Confessions of a Rat Man – a tale with a sting..in its tail. yelp.

All of the characters in this completely made up story which definitely didn’t happen are 100% fictitious. All associations to real people are coincidental, apart from Mrs Smith, that lovely cackling, sweet but non sympathetic old lady is real and definitely going to hell for historically laughing at the the main character, which as I said, is made up.

So once upon a time, in the quaint neighborhood of an imaginary place called Colchester, the renowned pest controller, let’s call him “Dan”, was on a mission to conquer a massive wasp nest in Mrs. Smiths’ garden. Armed with determination and a hefty can of wasps nest destroyer, Dan approached the buzzing nest with a happy-go-lucky kinda attitude.

As he bravely sprayed the nest, a mischievous wasp decided to retaliate by aiming straight for Dan’s behind!

With what felt like a dagger to the butt our hero Dan let out a yelp of surprise and a dance that would make even the most seasoned salsa dancer jealous.

Peering through her kitchen window, Mrs. Smith, a delightful elderly lady sipping her morning coffee, witnessed the spectacle unfold. She burst into uncontrollable laughter, spitting out her coffee in the process and coating the once clean glass into a golden brown smear.

Amidst the chaos, Dan, determined to maintain his professionalism, tried to continue his battle with the wasps, now doing a comical dance routine. Mrs. Smiths’, tears streaming down her face, could barely contain her amusement, causing her coffee to come dangerously close to a second, more perilous exit.

In the end, Dan managed to defeat the wasps, albeit with a slightly bruised ego and a sore behind. Mrs. Smith, still giggling, offered him a fresh cup of coffee, which our hero gladly accepted, thankful for the sweet taste of victory (and caffeine) after his unexpected battle with the backyard buzzers. And so, amidst laughter and coffee, a unique bond was formed between the pest controller and his client, all thanks to a mischievous wasp and a cup of coffee.

It took me 3 days to be able to sit down without wanting to cry. Sorry, him, it took him 3 days!

And Mrs Smith now pays double in the future, then they all lived happily ever after!

DJ